honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
