it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
