You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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