Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it glows. i had to have it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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