I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
