I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
