yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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