consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
