Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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