I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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