i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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