In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The power of my boobs compel you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
