I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I wear drunk well.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
