dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
