dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
