New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
