Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
