just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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