yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
