i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
