Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
