meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish i was in the wii world.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Randomize
