break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
