Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
