Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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