end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
