Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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