When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
