Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
