well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
