I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
