well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
