i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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