The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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