ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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