you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
