I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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