apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
