So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
