dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
