Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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