I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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