This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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