you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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