I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
