forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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