and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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