Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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