Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just googled if crying burns calories
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
