my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
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I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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