she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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