can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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