i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
