Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize