Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
