so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
