wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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