I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
