You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
